BIRTH ORDER and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: the middle child

/ Gwen M. Plano

Hello, Story Empire friends, Gwen with you today to focus on birth order and character development. Last month we considered the traits of the firstborn in the family. Here’s a link to that post. Today, our target is the middle child.

Let’s dive in …

Most of our stories include families. When we refer to the older or younger siblings, we assume the reader understands. Unless we grew up an only child, we experienced firsthand the rivalries among our sisters and brothers. And these tensions (and great love) help us craft an authentic family in our novels.

So what are some of the traits of the middle child or middle children?

The adorable or troublemaking middle child often lacks the parental attention bestowed on the first- and lastborn of the family. This perceived lacking has both positive and less-than-positive outcomes. According to the research, there are documentable traits that might be useful for crafting our characters. Below is a shortlist of five of those traits. I’d love to hear if they resonate with you.

The middle children in a family often become adults who are:

(1) relationship-oriented,

(2) peacemakers and good negotiators,

(3) free-spirited and open-minded,

(4) risk-takers and rebellious, and

(5) attention seekers.

With these characteristics, it should be no surprise that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Golda Meir, and Nelson Mandela were middle children. They were great compromisers with very developed people skills. They knew how to calm a situation and bridge differences in their quest for peace and justice. Researchers claim that their childhood years of being in the middle of the first born and last born taught them how to negotiate and befriend.

Here’s a curious tidbit reported in the Daily Mail, “In one of our studies, we found that 80 percent of middle-borns remain faithful to their partners, compared to 65 percent of first-borns, and just 53 percent of last-borns.” Interesting? Among my siblings, three of the seven are still with their original partners and all three share the middle in our tribe. Maybe there’s some truth to this finding.

When you write, do you identify characters in terms of birth order? I’d love to hear about that inclusion or absence. I’ve only explicitly mentioned birth order in my most recent novel.

That’s it for today. Next month we’ll consider the last-born child, the baby of the family. Until then, take care and happy writing!

58 thoughts on “BIRTH ORDER and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: the middle child”

  1. This has been a very insightful and interesting series, Gwen, which I’m saving for further perusal. Since my Swamp Ghost series (especially books 2 & 3) features three brothers, I’m planning to look for hints of some of these things you mention, and think I can see risk-taking and attention seeking in Forrest, the middle brother. (Anyone who goes through as many women over the years as he did is surely not afraid of a few risks, though I didn’t have that in mind when I wrote him.) It will be fun to see if I can tick any boxes off for the other two, as well. I may have hit on some without even realizing it, but as I go forward, this is something I’ll be keeping in mind.

    Thanks for these tips, Gwen! Will be referring to all of them! 😀 ❤

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  2. Hi Gwen, another interesting post. I have two middle sisters with me being the oldest. They are definitely more relationship orientated than me and better negotiators too. I don’t negotiate, I am very determined, obstinate and pig headed. It’s a good thing my husband is a youngest child. Hmmm, perhaps being a middle child is a good thing. Anyhow, back to your question on characters and their position in a family, do you know I have never featured a sibling in a story of mine. None of my short stories or books have MCs with siblings. I am sure a psychiatrist would make some interesting determinations about me as a result – smile!

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  4. I’ve enjoyed this series, Gwen! As the third born of four (three boys one girl), I know the differences within the family structure (not the first born, not the baby, not the girl). It certainly molds us as people. You share great insight for character development.

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    • Thank you, Beem, for your share. I agree – birth order molds us in subtle ways. Next month, my three sisters and I are spending several days together in Sedona. It’s highly probable that we’ll be talking about our experiences growing up, and birth order will be integral to those discussions. 😊

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  7. Great post, Gwen 🙂 Being on only child I have no experience with the birth order other than my kids. Our middle child is the peace maker and one her siblings come to. Also our overachiever and still married too.

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    • Thank you, John. I suspect many of us haven’t used this aspect in our character development. In my last book, I included limited birth order dynamics, but I’ll probably do more with the next. 😊

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  10. My sister wasn’t a peacemaker, just the opposite, but like Staci’s family, she wasn’t the middle child until she was eleven, when my youngest sister was born. Family dynamics are pretty interesting!

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    • Thank you, Judi. With so many years between your sister and the next, she would be considered the youngest of two, and the next sister would have the attributes of an only child. Fascinating, isn’t it? 😊

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  11. I know that the sex and the number of years separating the siblings makes a huge difference. In our case, we are three girls and the middle child – oh woe is me – always points out that she was left out; or didn’t get the same as we other two. We tease her, of course. My mother was also a middle child and very family-oriented.
    Very interesting series, Gwen 🙂

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    • My middle sib is always the center of every family photo. You’ll find me in the back, barely visible. I think her need to be front and center is for the reason you mentioned, Dale. Somehow among all the kids (seven of us), she felt left out. Thank you for this enlightening share. 😊

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    • I’m like you, Jacqui. I never thought of incorporating a middle child character until I wrote this post. Now I’m determined to do so. 😊

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  13. You mentioned in an earlier post that siblings with a big year gap between may fall into different categories. I’m interested in seeing how that plays out. Technically, my brother is the middle child. He and my sister are a year apart, but I came along eight years after him. Based on the age gap, I guess I’d be an only child and he’d be the baby. He certainly doesn’t fit the description you gave of a middle child.

    I really like that you added “love” as well as “tensions” when discussing how to develop a character. And our actual families. Can’t stress that enough.

    Thanks, Gwen. Fascinating stuff.

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    • There are several years between my kids (seven between the first and the second), so they don’t fit easily into one of the categories. My first is much like an only child. Per the research, if there are more than three years between children, the birth order traits blur. I think you’re right about your sibs and you. Thank you for underscoring this important aspect, Staci. 😊

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  14. This is interesting, Gwen. Being the youngest of two, I never gave it much thought in our family, but being the youngest grandchild on my father’s side was an interesting slot to be in. Birth order played a subtle role in the relationship between my main character and his brother but I think the characters generally comply with your findings. I guess I’ll see for sure when you visit that youngest child next time around.

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    • Thank you, Dan. There are plenty of family factors to consider, but birth order is a component we use in our writing. I’ve yet to look at the youngest child research. It’ll be interesting for sure. 😊

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  15. In the past, the information I’d read about the middle child focused on points 4 and 5 – the idea being that they felt ignored an so kicked over the traces a bit. Having read your post I can see the positive attributes in several of the people I know who are middle children – and that statistic about being faithful to their partners is quite a startling one. Fascinating, Gwen! 🙂

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    • I’m so pleased you’re enjoying this series, Trish. I find the research fascinating, and I’m learning a lot. Especially when we include families in our stories, this information could help us craft our characters. 😊

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  16. These posts are so interesting, Gwen. My middle brother shares some of these traits – he’s certainly the socialite of the family and the peace-maker (#1 and #2). But he was also kind of lost in the middle, which had a big impact on shaping his adulthood (#3-5 don’t really apply). I suppose this might be the birth order position with the most variability. What a fun thing to think about as we craft our characters. 🙂

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    • Thank you, Diana. My middle sister is the socialite of our family and loves attention. My middle brother is more of a peacemaker and always tries to see both sides of a situation. He’s also a risk-taker, especially with physical feats. If I were to combine the two, the characteristics would pretty much cover that list. It’s eye-opening for me. 😊

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      • Yes. My brother is a “physical” risk-taker. I didn’t even think of that. Fascinating. And how interesting that your siblings split the middle-characteristics between them. Lol. So much fodder for story-writing. 🙂

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  17. This is such an interesting series, Gwen. I do think the statistics back up the theories. I haven’t ever written a middle-child character, but I am quite sure I will at some point. Thank you for sharing this! Love it!

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    • You bring up a good point, Jan. I suspect the middle child, as a character in a novel, is a rarity. There’s always the eldest and the “baby” but not the middle child. How curious, I never thought about that till now. 😊

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  18. This is so interesting, Gwen. I’ve never thought of middle children being peacemakers. Having only one sibling there wasn’t a middle child in our family. Now you have me thinking about my parents and their sibling’s birth order. My experience with middle children is that many of them have “middle child” syndrome. One in particular I know exhibits the 4th and 5th traits you mentioned. Now, I’m looking at middle children in a different light.

    I haven’t used birth order in creating characters, but you’ve given me much to think about when planning my next book.

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    • Like you, Joan, I find the topic fascinating. Thank you, for sharing as you have. I suspect I’ll be including aspects of birth order in my next book as well. 😊

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  19. This is a wonderful series, Gwen. I haven’t mentioned birth order in families for my characters, and that is something I will make sure to do going onward, thanks to your inspiration. Great information in these posts. Thanks for sharing 🙂💕

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  21. I definitely think middle children are peace-makers. Thinking of the middle children I know (I’m not one), that trait is the most obvious in their personalities. I’m really enjoying this series, Gwen!

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  23. My Mum was the middle child of five. She told me not to have an odd number of children. She found the first two were friends abd the last two, and she often felt left out.
    However, some of your traits fit her perfectly. But not number five!

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    • What a sweet memory, V.M. Thank you for sharing her wisdom. Among my siblings, there are clusters as well. As the eldest, I was the second mom and referee. 😊

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  25. Pingback: BIRTH ORDER and CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT: the middle child | Legends of Windemere

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